http://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/2012/05/24/relationship-smarts/ is a post with great ideas that gave me impetus to review relationship advice I’ve received from experts, which feels absolutely right in my experience and in my heart:

  1. Be careful whom you let yourself fall into love with.  If you fall in love with the first person who comes by who is attractive to you, and who shows interest in you, you’ll have little chance of long-term compatibility.  Do they have traits that will be a good match for you?  Interest in sex and eating are common to (mostly?) everyone, so they don’t count as common interests!  ( :
  2. Go slowly!  Avoid early sex.  Sex bonds us like nothing else, so it convinces us that we’re in love with someone who we’re in lust with.  After we’ve plunged into sex, we’re unable to think clearly, see warning signs or gauge compatibility.  If someone leaves you because you wish to go slowly, good riddance!  Time has a way of sorting out posers from keepers.
  3. Watch for red warning flags!  Orange and yellow too.  Anger?  Self-centeredness?  Addictions?  Emotional instability?  Blaming?  Complaining?  Insecurity?  Overspending?  Impatience?  Overly dramatic?  Plans to quit anything?  Greed?  Vanity?  Inconsiderate?  Deceptive?  Drug seeking?  Grudge holding?  Unmotivated?  Judgmental?  Resentful?  Controlling?  Cynical?  Unhealthy?  History of bailing out?
  4. Focus on being the best possible version of yourself.  Only then will you attract the best possible partner.  If one does not appear, you will still be leading your best possible life, which will inevitably be the most rewarding.
  5. Make friends who enjoy similar activities as you.  These connections may produce a friendship that evolves into your best friendship.  ( :
  6. Balance your life with spiritual, emotional, intellectual, social and physical activities that inspire you.  Bring these into each of your days, finding balance.  Try to fix your own life, not the lives of others.
  7. Find and declare gratitude for all the blessings in your life.  Gratitude creates happiness, which attracts people to you.  Refer back to #1 above!
  8. Believe in the things you want for your life:  love, passion, health, goodness, kindness, compassion, humor, adventure and servitude are some good examples for me.
  9. Be content with being single.  Only after we’re okay with singleness are we truly ready to be in a relationship.  Then we are not needy, desperate, controlling, anxious or confused.
  10. Make a list of the good traits that you have and the ones you wish to have.  Be that person.  Discipline yourself to be exactly who you want to be.  Then you’ll attract someone really good;  be ready to toss back the posers.
  11. Rather than rashly assuming they have traits you want them to have, patiently watch to see what traits they really do have.

I believe in love, and my heart has always returned to willingness to love.  I really want the next time to be a lasting love!  God help me!!!

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